THE SUBJECTS
Steve Staccato
The world's greatest at counting to four. Nobody counts like Steve. He lives tempo. He breathes tempo. He is tempo. How Steve achieved this mastery of timing in every facet of his life is one of the many mysteries that make him the enigma he is. If only the world appreciated his talents and contributions to music history...
Bernard "Coffee" Williams
Steve's best friend, bass player, and ex-television co-star Coffee is the heart and soul of the Staccato mythos. He is the rhythm to Steve's tempo; the beat that kept Steve going. Having been with Staccato through all his highs and lows, nobody is more nostalgic for Steve's larger-than-life presence than Coffee. He misses his best friend and, as soon as Steve returns to the world, Coffee will be there with his bass.
Reggie Watts
Reggie Watts is a revolutionary musician and performer — bridging improvised beatboxing with innovative electronic production. Having been at forefront of many inflection points in music history, Reggie brings a unique technical perspective to the story of Staccato and his talents.
Lazy Gravy
Benji Feldstein, AKA "Lazy Gravy" AKA "The Staccato Afficianado" AKA the "Whore for the One-Two-Three-Four," loves Steve Staccato — maybe too much. Lazy Gravy has been following Staccato's genius since he was a young boy watching Tempo Boulevard, Steve's failed PBS series. Since then, Gravy has recorded Steve's counts, collected memoribilia, attempted to sell custom merchandise, and even built a Staccato shrine in his mother's garage. If you think his obsession stops there, think again.
Sam Staccato
Sam is Steve's first son, and was raised in the Staccato household. He may have not inherited Steve's musical abilities, but he did certainly inherit Steve's love to party. Sam has pursued his own creative path as a bass player in a musical genre we cannot describe... and nor can he. Living in a run-down boat that he hasn't learned to sail, and communicating with aliens from the future, Sam's genius may be on a level we cannot comprehend.... Either that or he's just really wasted.
Stacy Staccato
Stacy, Steve’s daughter, is a musical savant. Unlike her brother Sam, Stacy was born with Steve’s tempo talents, though became uninterested in pursuing music, and chose a life of accounting instead. She seems like a brilliant and talented human being... If Steve could remember who she was.
"Leopard" Lea Andrews
Though she may not describe it this way, Leah is a committed Staccato groupie. Initially drawn to Steve's sensual tempo and majestic counting fingers, Leah chose to dedicate her life to loving Steve, and even helped raise his children in the process. Still working at a rock venue that Steve frequented, Leah feels she can communicate with Steve's spirit through her own special sensory powers. And perhaps she can; we'd just have to ask the ghosts she's tasting.
Tommy "Steel Toe" Tacoma
As Steve's first mentee, Tommy owes everything to Steve for teaching him how to drum without "sounding like shit." Tacoma embodies the rock-n-roll spirit; always ready to have a good time. But don't underestimate his sensitive side. When it comes to Steve's mysterious whereabouts, Tommy can barely contain himself. It's clear that without Steve in his life, a piece of Tommy is missing.
Professor Thomas Matusich
A musicology professor at UCLA with a specialty in tempo, Thomas Matusich is the ultimate academic expert on Staccato and his countings.
He's even written a book called "You Can Count On Steve", which you can purchase on Amazon Prime for $16.99.
Mickey California
A frontwoman and sometimes poet from the inland empire. Since the dissapearance of Steve Staccato, every band she's been in has felt like a bad marriage.